I would be lying if I said that this week hasn't been one of the most challenging weeks of my adult life.
We want to move. We have boxes packed and no place to move into. We have to be out of our apartment by September 23rd. We cannot extend our move-out date because someone specifically requested our apartment just days after we gave our 30 day notice. Why did we give our 30 day notice? Because we truly thought that the little house that I mentioned in this post would work out and since our bank account could not support the rent on both our apartment and the little house for an entire month, in addition to move-in costs, we felt that we should go ahead on the 30 day notice. But it didn't work out.
In Your grace, You know where I walk
You know when I fall
You know all my ways
In Your love, I know You allow
What I cannot grasp
To bring You praise
Then, we looked at a condo that we really liked, aside from the fact that it was a little more per month than we had originally wanted plus the fact that it did not have a backyard. It did have a park directly across the street, though, so we justified the absent backyard and decided to tighten our belts a little bit for the higher rent amount, and put in our application. But they chose another applicant.
When Steve told me the news, I was really stunned. Even though the condo was not exactly what we wanted, I felt like it was what God had for us. After all, we are supposed to be moving out this coming Saturday, you know, like in 4 days. I felt like I couldn't even respond. We both couldn't. We just sat with Graeme on the couch and revelled in the precious gift of who he is to us. At least I did. I guess I can't speak for Steve, but it seemed that we both just needed the sweet comfort of a care-free child whose biggest care in the world is whether or not he can have a second package of fruit snacks for the day.
Thank You for the trials
For the fire, for the pain
Thank You for the strength
Knowing You have ordained
I'm 33 weeks pregnant this week and I realize that that.right.there. has a lot to do with my current highly emotional state. We have nothing set up for Job because everything is packed. I do know which box the newborn clothes are in, however. I feel so unprepared to meet this sweet, sweet boy. I watch Graeme happily play with his cars and trucks as we sit outside and I make sure my sunglasses are on so that he doesn't see my tears. I'm thankful for his sweet and contented spirit.
I miss my husband because of his long work hours and his commitment to our local body of believers. I struggle with the decisions we have to make over the next two weeks as Steve is under the burden of preparing to speak the weekend we are to be out of our apartment and the following weekend. I don't use the word burden in a negative sense, but conveying the idea that preparing to feed the local body isn't something that you step haphazardly into; it is a delightful duty and one that takes time. Maybe I could liken it to pregnancy. Job is a burden in the sense that my body does not enjoy carrying the extra _____ pounds ( did you really think I would fill in the number, wink wink? ), but in the end, it is a precious burden that reveals itself in unmistakeable joy.
Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see
Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again
I've struggled this week in my physical body-- a summer cold that has left me with sleepless nights, a barking cough and a sinus headache, on top of heartburn and sore hips from the pregnancy. (But I am thankful for cookies and cream ice-cream to help with the heartburn and, Job, you better come out with a full head of hair, that is all I have to say, sweet mister! And did I mention cookies and cream ice-cream? Mm. )
But on a more serious note, I am struggling deeply in my spiritual body. I know the truths of the gospel and the goodness of God, but I am failing to bring them to the forefront of my mind throughout the day. This post is an accurate example of my struggle. You've probably noticed the lyrics of Sovereign Grace's Every Day tucked between paragraphs. Please pray for me that I will be able to firmly grasp and comprehend the promise of Who God is and Who He has been and Who He will be. And, to further comprehend that the phrase God is good isn't just for when life is going well--it's for the whole of life.
In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day. . . . . . . .