Motherhood. There's just been nothing like it in my life. It's wrecked me, broken me, healed me, grown me. In mothering, in growing my children, my own soul has grown up. In a sense, my children and I are growing up together. I have miles to go. More love to be rooted and grounded, pushed deep into the souls of my babies, a moment by moment need for the outpouring of grace over my heart, and an uprooting of the selfishness that is a constant companion.
As I sank down into our leather sofa, my eyes fixed on the glass door across the room. Fingerprints were thick and everywhere. It didn't bother me. My eyes took them in and my thoughts wandered to our three babies. The house was quiet. All of our babies tucked in for the night. I looked at my husband and blurted out something about Mother's Day being a difficult day over the last couple of years. He looked at me understandingly.
I've heard it said, "expectations ruin relationships." And I believe it. It's a lesson that God has been stirring into my life over the last couple of years. And it's been a good stirring. I'm learning, day by day, that there is good in every moment of motherhood. My motherhood holidays might look very different from what they looked like just a couple of years ago, but there is sweetness and tears of joy to be found here. Now.
From those first sweet and beautiful days of motherhood to the ones I'm facing now-- the ones where the fight for joy is thick but the grace is thicker-- all of these moments have been measured out for my good. I want to be a mother that looks back on my life and realizes that, yes!, it's true! God is the giver of grace and grace enough for each moment. If you find yourself in the sweet and beautiful care-free days of motherhood, enjoy every moment. If you find yourself next to me in the trenches of motherhood where days seem more of a fight for beauty and everything feels like it might unravel, remember this-- "grace holds you when everything else falls apart and whispers that everything is really falling together." (Voskamp)
p.s. I'm incredibly thankful that, each year for a gift, my husband takes photographs of me and my little ones. Believe me, it is no easy task. (smile) But these are such a gift to me year after year. And, this year, we took them underneath our beautiful redwood tree in our new back yard.